Last week I had a mild heart attack, followed by days of deep depression fueled by thoughts on the order of "My life has been a waste, and now I'm in the final chapter." So yesterday I was reading a bit on Scott Kiloby's site, and today I was reading his book, Love's Quiet Revolution. Once again I re-realized that a storm had been created by believing those thoughts and reacting to them, then reacting to the reaction, etc. And I had created a Self around that, forgetting that that entire dog-and-pony show just appears in This.  It is experienced is all.  It has no substance.  Lots of Sturm und Drang and then, at some point, it is realized for what it is: a storm in consciousness, and it heads over the horizon and is gone.

When vigilance fails I pump things up and keep them around because I might "learn something from them."  They might "deepen my spirituality."  What nonsense!  The Great Spiritual Journey is just another idea appearing and disappearing in This.  It is insubstantial, just another thought like all the rest.  There is only the experience of This Moment.  That's it.  Even the thought of scolding myself for not being more vigilant is just a thought appearing in This.  That's it. All That Is.